You know what I’ve realized lately, I have a hard time talking about my life has changed since becoming a mommy. When people ask how things are going or how Claire is, I just say “great!” and tend to leave it at that. Other times, I just ramble about how things have been going. What they don’t know is that my heart is bursting with love for her. She is absolutely perfect and brings so much happiness into mine and CJ’s life. I’m learning as the years go on that the more personal and meaningful something is to me, the worse I am at talking about it and describing it to another person. I’m not really sure why but I’m much better at writing about it.
I’m a very emotional person. Very sentimental. And I can sound very cheesy when I talk about something that means a lot to me. Thinking about how lucky CJ and I are to have such a beautiful and perfect little daughter makes me cry sometimes. Cry from pure joy, from overwhelming love for our little angel.
I’ll be honest, those first few weeks with Claire (especially the delivery) were the hardest of my life. My whole world was turned upside down and I felt like yelling to all other mothers, “Why didn’t you tell me it was this hard!?!?” But they did, I just don’t think it resonated with me until I was going through it myself. I think that’s true about a lot of things in life. You don’t truly understand the impact that something (or someone) will have on you until you experience it yourself. But, those same people also told me that things get easier and that’s also true. I don’t think anything could be as hard as those first two weeks. Every phase has its joys and challenges and I’m loving watching her grow and develop into her own person.
When we have those moments where she looks at us and smiles, or when she falls asleep on our chest, or when she starts cooing and telling us a story, I want to grab onto those moments and pause time. I don’t want to forget it. I want to go back to that moment a million times and live it over again. I feel the same about our wedding day (actually, our whole wedding weekend) because that was the best weekend of my life. It’s hard accepting the fact that the best moments in our life come and go in a blink of an eye. But that’s life. I think that’s why I take sooo many pictures and videos. Because it’s the only way to go back to that moment in time and relive those feelings.
I fall more in love with her every day and want the world for her. I want her to find her passion in life, pursue her dreams, find someone that she loves as much as I love her daddy, and so much more. I hope that she looks up to me and CJ the same way that I do towards my parents. And most importantly, I just want her to be happy.
I say and think this all the time but I’m so thankful to have such an amazing husband and daughter.