I wrote this on March 11 and forgot to post it… oops!
Yesterday, I was riding BART into San Francisco for a work conference and I saw a sweet little girl sitting on her mom’s lap. She was maybe a year and a half old and was playing with the people sitting in the row behind them. Watching her made me miss Claire, even though I had just parted with her 30 minutes prior, and even more so, it made me so sad. Even though that girl was probably 6 months older than Claire, I started mourning the day when Claire will no longer be a little baby. I am so deeply in love with Claire and especially the stage she’s at right now. One thing that parenthood has taught me is that there are some things that are just not in my control. No matter what I do, the world will keep spinning and time will keep moving. I can’t stop time. I can’t change the fact that Claire will continue to get older and that someday, I won’t be able to carry her around and snuggle with her and give her a million kisses without her rolling her eyes. I talk about this all the time to people, about how I’m sad that Claire is getting older and I always hear the same response, especially from fellow Mommys:
Enjoy this time.
Every stage has its fun parts.
Just wait until she starts talking.
Be present and soak up your time with her now before she gets older.
She will always be your baby.
Blah blah blah
I get it, you are trying to make me feel better. But it’s not really working people. The truth of the matter is, I am soaking up my time with her. I’m snuggling her, kissing her, laying on the floor and playing with her, every chance I get. I am enjoying this time maybe too much because I’m already getting choked up with this thought of this time passing. I’m having a hard time accepting the fact that she won’t be this age forever. I see little kids everywhere and think to myself, Claire’s going to be this age someday and she won’t be my little baby. And yes, I know, she’ll always be my baby even if she’s not small enough to be carried around. But does anyone else understand what I’m saying!?! I can barely write this post without crying. I just love her so much it hurts. She’s so cute, so sweet, so loving, so spunky, so everything. CJ and I are forever grateful for the honor of being her parents. We are so proud.